QUESTIONS!!! Questions...

Ok - So one of my oldest (not in age - but in terms of HOW long we’ve known each other) friend's, has this HILARIOUS Blog called The Weaver’s Nest - (http://theweaversnest.typepad.com/the_weavers_nest/2009/01/index.html) and she started this WHOLE rumble of Asking me 5 Questions - that I have to answer - and then post on my Blog... so here goes:

Kirsty Weaver’s Questions For Ryan:

1.) You recently had an extended stay in an NHS hospital.

I have had TWO extended stays in DIFFERENT Hospitals in the past four months -  'Good Hope' (or NO HOPE - as some smartie pants people like to call it!) and The Stoke Royal Infirmary (about an hour and a half North of us)  Good Hope was fantastic while I was in the High Dependancy Unit.  But I began to despair in the Main Ward, when the demented old Bullet in the bed next to me kept getting outta bed and thinking that My bed was in fact his own personal bathroom en-suite.  I am scarred for life and now - and If I wake up with someone standing over me - I automatically think that they are trying to 'go potty' on my head! 

The Stoke Royal Infirmary has taken the cake though.  I was treated BETTER than when I was in High Care - and actually came home with delusions of grandeur... hehe - but one downside, the food was SHOCKING!  (This from a man who could keep NOTHING down!)  

He he Kirsty!  A Gentlemen NEVER TELLS - so here goes:

a.) How did you keep sane, 

I kept sane by plugging in my  iPhone: and trying to shut out what was going on around me and also to switching on my 'Binaural Beats' application.  They are a set of Audio 'beats' that are supposed to override the Brain's responses and retune the brain to a new way of thinking.  Don't know if it worked - but It Definitely helped when I was having 'a bloodbath hurricane pain day!'

b.) Did you fancy any of the nurses? (Although physio's are MUCH hotter than nurses, but I don't think any physios would have visited/treated you!)  (KIRSTY IS A PHYSIO FOR THOSE WHO HADN’T GUESSED.)

If you are partial to 40 something nurses with a penchant for calling you 'Dooks' and 'Petal' ('Ducks' and 'Petal' for our Non-English friends) - then NO!  I didn't fancy any of them - and NONE of them looked as good as Robs does in her little Anne Summers Nurse's Outfit... 

In fact some of those nurses were a bit downright scary some of 'em!  Wouldn't wanna run into any of them in a dark alley - although in hindsight they WOULD be able to re-suss you after raping and murdering you... 

2.) You have 1 child  are you  planning more? How many would you like, and what sex?

HEY!  You been reading my diary??!  Ummmmm... (okay - this is gonna set the cat among the pigeons!)  The short answer is YES!  I would love to have another wee Vine running around - funny thing that - Death and Hospital's spur us on to procreate - NO WONDER YOU HAVE 3 OF THE LITTLE ONES KIRSTY!!!  

I would just like one more little one - and Yes.  Sex would be good (anytime) thanx! (not that I ain't getting me sum - eish - you know how to make a keyboard blush Kirsty!) 

3.)What have you found more challenging: Being a husband, or being a father, and Why?

Being a husband has come relatively easy for me - for Robs being a husband has been harder... hehe  No seriously - Being a father is WAY more difficult!  You CONSTANTLY have a little sponge COPYING EVERYTHING that you say/do!  I haven't Battled with it - just found it HARDER than what I thought it may have been...  But I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING!

4.) If you could be any where else right now,

a.) Where would you be?

On a beach in Barbados - sunning it up and drinking 'umbrella' cocktails...  Bearing in mind the 'Siberian Cold Front' we have been warned about, arrived this morning and we woke to a brass monkey ringing our doorbell asking if we knew a good welder - and that white stuff called: SNOW!

b.) What would you be doing?

Do I have to paint a picture: Me; a Beach; a little bell to summon the waiter with the drinks; my ‘mankini’ and a bevy of Gorgeous... Robyn's!

5.)In Friends, Ross and Rachel had a list of celebs that they were allowed to sleep with if they met them. Who would be on your list? Who would be on Dans list?

Ummmm Well It would NEVER happen so ummmm... NOBODY - and I dunno who would be on Dan's - 'cos I haven't got a cooking clue who 'Dan' is... hehe

IF ANY OF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ME INTERVIEWING THEM: Here are the rules:

 

1.) If you'd like to be interviewed, leave a comment saying ‘interview me’ and your email address, and I'll send you 5 questions

 

2.If you want to keep your email address private, email me your request to interview you. (Your email address)

 

3. I will email you five questions.

 

4. Answer the questions on your blog.

 

5. Post rules on your blog with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed.

 

6. Try and personalise the questions to the particular blogger.

WHOAH THERE COW-PEOPLE!!! I'm NOT dead yet!

OAKEY COCKEY... So I'm getting a lot of rather worried emails from peeps who, very touchingly, are concerned for my well being. I certainly never meant to scare ANYONE with the chronicles of my life in blog-land! If I'd known this at the start - I wouldn't have even written about this wretched little nothing of a brain tumour - called 'Bill'...

I started writing about 'Bill more as a therapy for myself and to help ME understand what is going on... and also to keep concerned family and friends who were far away informed as to WHAT was happening! So before this blows COMPLETELY outta the water - I just want to set some minds at rest - before ya'll write me off!

The years of headaches and migraines I have endured, have more than likely been caused by 'Bill' - but one can't be too sure. Just to reassure you, the week that I have spent in Hospital has been PACKED with Intra Venus Infusions of 'Bill' busting meds - the steroids and DHE are designed to specifically reduce the size/swelling of 'Bill'. The nausea and diarrhea was a bit difficult to get used to as well as the cramps and bloating - but hey - we just kyk noord...

I also take heart that the Neuro (WHAT AN AMAZING GUY!!! - TOTALLY SENT BY GOD!!!) is fully calm and collected about the whole palaver. He's 'been there - done that' and has the t-shirt and the stretch marks to prove it!

I am scheduled for a follow up in about 4 weeks - and they will reassess whether or not the current treatment has been successful and what way forward we go from here.

It really touches me that there are people standing and agreeing in prayer with us that everything is going to come right in JESUS NAME!!! You and I both know there is no distance in prayer - and that is the most important thing!

I have learnt some very valuable lessons in the past couple of months: and the words of another very brave young lady called 'Heather' - whose Blog I was introduced to, pretty much sums up best EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.

So I'm gonna take what she said and expand a little on it - I hope you don't mind Heather!

What have I learned?

It isn’t about 'Bill'. It isn’t about what 'Bill' has the ability to do to MY body, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of us it tries to take away; its about the journey.

Its about rediscovering the parts of yourself that you never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. Its about seeing life through other people's eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it.

Its about living.

Sure there are going to be days that I feel like a Pantechnicon truck just bulldozed over me. There are going to be days when I wake up after a rough night and a bad bought of 'pain' and I think “Who is that person, and where did he come from!?” But there are going to be pain free days where I'm fully alive and energized too! And those are the days I'm gonna seize with both hands and live to the full, its part of 'the journey'. Its a part of life. But its not the only part. Its not the defining part.

The defining part is: I am still a husband. I am still a father. I am still a son. I am still a son of the Most High King of Kings. I am still the same Ryan that I was before I found out about 'Bill'.

Just a little more - NO - alot more mature and a heck of alot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams, the same desires. I am still me. The migraine headaches and 'Bill' can NEVER take that away.

It has only made me stronger.

Me

-x-

UPDATED CAT Scan

'TOOMA Humour'

MEET BILL - NOW LET'S KILL BILL!!!

Update for all those 'interested' people:

'Bill' is an Oligodendroglioma - a tumour located at the base of my brain stem.

Granted he is only a low grade '1' (stoopid for those in the know) but for the time being - he makes up some EXTRA fatty cells that surround all nerve cells, known as a 'myelin sheath'... And as any of you know - I DO NOT TOLERATE FAT IN MY LIFE - wanted or unwanted!

The trouble is they won't operate on 'Bill' - because they can't! If they cut too close to the area of the brain stem where 'Bill' is, they could cause too much unnecessary damage and make me a vegetable - and as ALL of you know that just wouldn't do... cos I am a certified 'MEAT'-ETERIAN!!!

So that is why the course of action that has been decided has been a combination of steroids and DHE - to reduce inter cranial pressure and thereby eliminate some/most of the pain, by resetting the pain signal in the brain! And also the combined doses of steroids and DHE have definitely resulted in some relief and I do seem to recall the Candyman (The Neuro) saying they were pleased with the results thus far.

ANY relief/shrinkage/lack of pain at this stage is welcome!! The talk of severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull has not been bandied about too much of late either - but in hindsight it is a rather 'permanent' solution to discover that you don't like being called a 'numbskull' - literally! And so they have spoken about the less permanent option of occipital nerve block injections to SEE how I react FIRST before any permanent decisions are made!

The downside of some of the treatment thus far has been far outweighed by the benefits - but the thrice daily doses of IV drugs and steroids have become nauseating to say the least - and I am pleased to say that nothing I eat for breakfast; lunch or supper gets a chance to weld itself to the walls of my gut either! All in all I think I may just come out looking like a Greek God - instead of a goddamn Greek (no offence to any Greeks out there!!)

Anyhoo - I must get back to my busy schedule of hurl; bekak and sleep - so Chin up ol' boy - there's life in this old bastard yet! You can't stomp on good ol' Scottish stock!! As I always say - "Don't bang on the kennel till you've seen the size of the Bitch Fight inside..."

me

-x-

Hi Ho It's off to Hospital I go...AGAIN!

Hi guys!

Yip I have been HORRIFIC on keeping the updates on the blog going - but if the truth be told, I have been truly blindsided by the recovery time that I have had to go through over the past few months from the stomach op.  Since my op, I have battled CONSTANT pain and NIGHTMARE migraines, as I cannot take too many pain killers, for fear of stuffing up my already delicate stomach - and been almost constantly nauseous.  I also knew that I had to try and get my strength up for my next stint in hospital which has been looming ever closer.

Needless to say - that's not an excuse - so please let me just say: Sorry.

2008 was not a year I will look back on fondly.  In the words of Queen Betts: "It was my Anus Horribalus" - my horrible bum...

But the last few months of 2008 did fortunately shape up to be better in the end.  We had a DREAM Christmas that was filled with what EVERY Christmas should be - Family; Food and LOOT!  And boy oh boy did we score BEEG this year!

Spoiling aside - Robs and I sneaked off, at the end of last year for a belated second honeymoon and a fabulous end to the year, while my mum got to spend valuable Nanna and Shaugie time with her beloved third grandchild.  

The other good news is that I'm off to Hospital tomorrow Morning (Monday the 19th of January 2009) for a minimum of two weeks.  YIP I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE - but it was decided in December, when I saw my FABULOUS new Neurosurgeon, that I was to be admitted for a minimum of 14 days, so that they could assess the tumour, and decide what course of treatment they were going to take with regards to removing/ reducing the size of said wee beastie.

The bad news (for me) is, that I will NOT be receiving ANY pain relief while in hospital.  This was made patently clear, as they need me to be in as much pain as possible.  Now I hear a whole heap of you saying: "What kinda crackpot health system would do THAT to someone in pain to try and help them."  The truth is, I cannot have pain relief, as they are planning on definitely performing Occipital Nerve Block injections and very possibly severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull entirely, in an effort to try and kwell the pain PERMANENTLY in the event that they cannot operate on the wee beastie and or reduce or it.  So long term benefit for short term pain!

There are a whole HEAP of Ifs, Buts and Maybes hanging on the line - but the Neurosurgeon has said that he will try EVERY avenue that he can medically, to offer me a solution - no promises - but at this stage ANY hope is being grasped at with BOTH hands.

While in hospital I will also be receiving an IV infusion of DHE or dehydroergotomine.  That is supposed to stave off any severe migraines that may happen - but it will not offer me relief from the day to day pain that I feel.

So that means that I will, more likely than not - be incommunicado for the next wee while - but I promise to let you all know how it has gone once I am out.

So I'll see y'all soon and be good while I'm not here!

Lotsa Love

Me

-x-

Ryan's awfully BIG adventure.

So there I was lying prone on an operating table in a ice cold theatre - trussed up like a chicken, puking blood and guts - and all I heard was:

'We're going to have to cut you from your sternum to your WHOO HOO; unpack all your organs to try and find WHERE the hell you are spurting blood from! Just relax...' HA!

And Yip - they did it - literally unpacked what feels like THE LOT - gave my liver to Muhammed Ali for 15 round of sparring - my spleen they just chucked on the floor and stomped on for a couple of minutes and then they found the source of my 'Ol Faithful' spurter - (a ruptured Artery in the Lower Duodenum) which at this point had cost me the princely sum of 5 - yes FIVE - litres of blood. And so they promptly cut and sewed me up - in what lasted as a two hour operation.

In the words of the surgeon 'We came DANGEROUSLY close to losing you on the table'... Nice - very nice thought!

It appears that 'Ol Faithful' had been contributing to the cause of my malaise over the last year - and it all came to a head - so to speak - on the 27th of September - when I started to puke blood. Ever the optimist - I left it until the Monday - in the hopes that it would resolve itself, cos I didn't want to worry Robs!

By the time we hit the hospital I had lost about a litre of blood over three days - but by the time they had done two endoscopes to try and see if they could find the bleed - which they couldn't - I had lost about three litres of blood and then by the time they realised I was in serious trouble and shipped me off to theatre - I had lost about 4 litres of blood - and yes peeps it was LITRES - not pints - my blood pressure had plummeted to a top pressure of 45!

So after a massive operation in which they removed a foot of my intestines and a humongous blood transfusion, they managed to stablise me enough to move me to the High Dependancy Unit - where I spent 4 and a half days in a hazy bliss mist of Morphine; Ketamine and the constant bleep of heart machines.

I have only just been released - but came home to a mass of cards; and emails. So thanks to everyone who was so concerned and sent your love and wishes - it is VERY much appreciated!

I just wanted to tell you all I am okay - just a bit sore - and feel like me insides are gonna fall out the scar everytime I stand up - but I am on the mend and will keep you all posted.

On the migraine and headache front, the results of the MRI scan I had just before going in to hospital has come back and shown a cyst in the septum pellucidum and is related to the ventricular system - WHAT that means at this stage - I don't know - but I have an appointment to see a new Neurosurgeon soon - so I'll keep you posted on that front too! Good Lord - only a few pips shy of forty and I nearly fell apart!

Clearly I have a mission I haven't completed just yet - and for that I am grateful!

All my Love

Ryan

-x-

Nanna & Poppa are Coming to live in The UK!

Well it's 02h30 in the morning and I am restlessly trying to get to sleep.  You see my Mum is coming to live in the UK - yes Folks - Shaugie's beloved Nanna & Poppa are on the aeroplane right now as we speak jetting their way to this green and pleasant isle!

The last time I even lived in the same city as Mum was back in 1994 - when we left JHB to pick up the pieces of our lives after my Mum's divorce to my Dad - and go live in Durban - where she has stayed ever since.

I'm not scared by her coming to live in the same city as us - in fact I am SO relishing the thought that Shaugie will be having his Nanna and Poppa (my stepdad Gary) living 5 km's down the road from us that I think that is why I can't sleep!

It will also be a relief for me especially to know that she is not stok steen alleen in Kloof - in a big House - with crime the way things are - when Gary is away at work.

I think it will also do the wee tyke the world of good to have his grandparents so close - as he absolutely adores them.  And if I know them - They will fall in love with the true angel sent by God - that I have.

That little boy has bought healing where there was hurt; and shown me that it is possible to love someone (other than my GORGEOUS wife) so completely!  He has healed broken hearts - and all through the simplest of things - a hug here - a kiss there - but heal me he really has.

The next few weeks are going to be filled with a whirlwind of activity - but I'll keep you posted!

I'm starting to feel sleepy now - and the school photographer is at the school today - so I better get my weary eyes shut and have a good ol' Dudu!

Peace 

Ryan