Strap

Thursday 5 February 2009

Baptisim...


Okay - So it's Sheeting with snow here AGAIN in the 'Land of Sog'.

Shaugs has an eye infection: I have a sore head; and Robs is stuck in the cabin with the two of us, contemplating whether or not braving Frostbite and Hypothermia is better than braving TWO males with MAN Symptoms...

As I write, Shaugs is NOW bitching cos he found a PEA in his Fish Pie lunch... and MOTHER has JUST TORN him a new one!  Happy Families!  So I needed to ask - at what age do I actually lose the will to live anymore??!

You see, the dilemma we are currently facing is, we have a Captain Pee Pee in the house - with a rather rampant fire hose - and NO it ain't me!

Now I don't ever remember being told REPEATEDLY not to whizz on the toilet seat; the walls or (on one rather rare occasion) the bathroom ceiling! I remember just getting on with the 'business at hand' and making sure the bathroom was clean for the next person...  BUT - you see, we are currently being baptised in little boy wee... and I'm ready to commit MOIDER...

It's not like he's following by example - I LIFT the toilet seat - put it down again and flush when finished, and - at one point after having the Laparotomy - even resorted to (SKANDAAL) piddling like a lady (oooo I'm a laydee) And that's when I truly discovered the wrath of Shaugs...

Silent midnight runs to the loo have been exchanged with SHRIEKS (akin to something at the Wailing wall in Jerusalem) - followed by rather potty mouthed language!

Yesterday in 'Costa (lotta money) Coffee'  He asked me to accompany him to the bathroom - and promptly anointed my shoes and jean pant with holy water!  The water might have been holy - but my mouth would've made a sailor blush!  

So how DO you get a five year old to 'aim for the water' and make as many bubbles as possible - and then clean up after himself??!  (WITHOUT scaring him for life and creating a 'problem')  I have taken him aside and had a good ol' father/son chat and we'll have to see how things 'pan out' - so to speak!

Me
-x-

Sunday 1 February 2009

QUESTIONS!!! Questions...

Ok - So one of my oldest (not in age - but in terms of HOW long we’ve known each other) friend's, has this HILARIOUS Blog called The Weaver’s Nest - (http://theweaversnest.typepad.com/the_weavers_nest/2009/01/index.html) and she started this WHOLE rumble of Asking me 5 Questions - that I have to answer - and then post on my Blog... so here goes:


Kirsty Weaver’s Questions For Ryan:


1.) You recently had an extended stay in an NHS hospital.


I have had TWO extended stays in DIFFERENT Hospitals in the past four months -  'Good Hope' (or NO HOPE - as some smartie pants people like to call it!) and The Stoke Royal Infirmary (about an hour and a half North of us)  Good Hope was fantastic while I was in the High Dependancy Unit.  But I began to despair in the Main Ward, when the demented old Bullet in the bed next to me kept getting outta bed and thinking that My bed was in fact his own personal bathroom en-suite.  I am scarred for life and now - and If I wake up with someone standing over me - I automatically think that they are trying to 'go potty' on my head! 


The Stoke Royal Infirmary has taken the cake though.  I was treated BETTER than when I was in High Care - and actually came home with delusions of grandeur... hehe - but one downside, the food was SHOCKING!  (This from a man who could keep NOTHING down!)  


He he Kirsty!  A Gentlemen NEVER TELLS - so here goes:


a.) How did you keep sane, 


I kept sane by plugging in my  iPhone: and trying to shut out what was going on around me and also to switching on my 'Binaural Beats' application.  They are a set of Audio 'beats' that are supposed to override the Brain's responses and retune the brain to a new way of thinking.  Don't know if it worked - but It Definitely helped when I was having 'a bloodbath hurricane pain day!'


b.) Did you fancy any of the nurses? (Although physio's are MUCH hotter than nurses, but I don't think any physios would have visited/treated you!)  (KIRSTY IS A PHYSIO FOR THOSE WHO HADN’T GUESSED.)


If you are partial to 40 something nurses with a penchant for calling you 'Dooks' and 'Petal' ('Ducks' and 'Petal' for our Non-English friends) - then NO!  I didn't fancy any of them - and NONE of them looked as good as Robs does in her little Anne Summers Nurse's Outfit... 




In fact some of those nurses were a bit downright scary some of 'em!  Wouldn't wanna run into any of them in a dark alley - although in hindsight they WOULD be able to re-suss you after raping and murdering you... 


2.) You have 1 child  are you  planning more? How many would you like, and what sex?


HEY!  You been reading my diary??!  Ummmmm... (okay - this is gonna set the cat among the pigeons!)  The short answer is YES!  I would love to have another wee Vine running around - funny thing that - Death and Hospital's spur us on to procreate - NO WONDER YOU HAVE 3 OF THE LITTLE ONES KIRSTY!!!  

I would just like one more little one - and Yes.  Sex would be good (anytime) thanx! (not that I ain't getting me sum - eish - you know how to make a keyboard blush Kirsty!) 


3.)What have you found more challenging: Being a husband, or being a father, and Why?


Being a husband has come relatively easy for me - for Robs being a husband has been harder... hehe  No seriously - Being a father is WAY more difficult!  You CONSTANTLY have a little sponge COPYING EVERYTHING that you say/do!  I haven't Battled with it - just found it HARDER than what I thought it may have been...  But I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING!


4.) If you could be any where else right now,


a.) Where would you be?


On a beach in Barbados - sunning it up and drinking 'umbrella' cocktails...  Bearing in mind the 'Siberian Cold Front' we have been warned about, arrived this morning and we woke to a brass monkey ringing our doorbell asking if we knew a good welder - and that white stuff called: SNOW!


b.) What would you be doing?


Do I have to paint a picture: Me; a Beach; a little bell to summon the waiter with the drinks; my ‘mankini’ and a bevy of Gorgeous... Robyn's!


5.)In Friends, Ross and Rachel had a list of celebs that they were allowed to sleep with if they met them. Who would be on your list? Who would be on Dans list?


Ummmm Well It would NEVER happen so ummmm... NOBODY - and I dunno who would be on Dan's - 'cos I haven't got a cooking clue who 'Dan' is... hehe




IF ANY OF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ME INTERVIEWING THEM: Here are the rules:

 

1.) If you'd like to be interviewed, leave a comment saying ‘interview me’ and your email address, and I'll send you 5 questions

 

2.If you want to keep your email address private, email me your request to interview you. (Your email address)

 

3. I will email you five questions.

 

4. Answer the questions on your blog.

 

5. Post rules on your blog with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed.

 

6. Try and personalise the questions to the particular blogger.