WHOAH THERE COW-PEOPLE!!! I'm NOT dead yet!

OAKEY COCKEY... So I'm getting a lot of rather worried emails from peeps who, very touchingly, are concerned for my well being. I certainly never meant to scare ANYONE with the chronicles of my life in blog-land! If I'd known this at the start - I wouldn't have even written about this wretched little nothing of a brain tumour - called 'Bill'...

I started writing about 'Bill more as a therapy for myself and to help ME understand what is going on... and also to keep concerned family and friends who were far away informed as to WHAT was happening! So before this blows COMPLETELY outta the water - I just want to set some minds at rest - before ya'll write me off!

The years of headaches and migraines I have endured, have more than likely been caused by 'Bill' - but one can't be too sure. Just to reassure you, the week that I have spent in Hospital has been PACKED with Intra Venus Infusions of 'Bill' busting meds - the steroids and DHE are designed to specifically reduce the size/swelling of 'Bill'. The nausea and diarrhea was a bit difficult to get used to as well as the cramps and bloating - but hey - we just kyk noord...

I also take heart that the Neuro (WHAT AN AMAZING GUY!!! - TOTALLY SENT BY GOD!!!) is fully calm and collected about the whole palaver. He's 'been there - done that' and has the t-shirt and the stretch marks to prove it!

I am scheduled for a follow up in about 4 weeks - and they will reassess whether or not the current treatment has been successful and what way forward we go from here.

It really touches me that there are people standing and agreeing in prayer with us that everything is going to come right in JESUS NAME!!! You and I both know there is no distance in prayer - and that is the most important thing!

I have learnt some very valuable lessons in the past couple of months: and the words of another very brave young lady called 'Heather' - whose Blog I was introduced to, pretty much sums up best EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.

So I'm gonna take what she said and expand a little on it - I hope you don't mind Heather!

What have I learned?

It isn’t about 'Bill'. It isn’t about what 'Bill' has the ability to do to MY body, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of us it tries to take away; its about the journey.

Its about rediscovering the parts of yourself that you never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. Its about seeing life through other people's eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it.

Its about living.

Sure there are going to be days that I feel like a Pantechnicon truck just bulldozed over me. There are going to be days when I wake up after a rough night and a bad bought of 'pain' and I think “Who is that person, and where did he come from!?” But there are going to be pain free days where I'm fully alive and energized too! And those are the days I'm gonna seize with both hands and live to the full, its part of 'the journey'. Its a part of life. But its not the only part. Its not the defining part.

The defining part is: I am still a husband. I am still a father. I am still a son. I am still a son of the Most High King of Kings. I am still the same Ryan that I was before I found out about 'Bill'.

Just a little more - NO - alot more mature and a heck of alot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams, the same desires. I am still me. The migraine headaches and 'Bill' can NEVER take that away.

It has only made me stronger.

Me

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UPDATED CAT Scan

'TOOMA Humour'

MEET BILL - NOW LET'S KILL BILL!!!

Update for all those 'interested' people:

'Bill' is an Oligodendroglioma - a tumour located at the base of my brain stem.

Granted he is only a low grade '1' (stoopid for those in the know) but for the time being - he makes up some EXTRA fatty cells that surround all nerve cells, known as a 'myelin sheath'... And as any of you know - I DO NOT TOLERATE FAT IN MY LIFE - wanted or unwanted!

The trouble is they won't operate on 'Bill' - because they can't! If they cut too close to the area of the brain stem where 'Bill' is, they could cause too much unnecessary damage and make me a vegetable - and as ALL of you know that just wouldn't do... cos I am a certified 'MEAT'-ETERIAN!!!

So that is why the course of action that has been decided has been a combination of steroids and DHE - to reduce inter cranial pressure and thereby eliminate some/most of the pain, by resetting the pain signal in the brain! And also the combined doses of steroids and DHE have definitely resulted in some relief and I do seem to recall the Candyman (The Neuro) saying they were pleased with the results thus far.

ANY relief/shrinkage/lack of pain at this stage is welcome!! The talk of severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull has not been bandied about too much of late either - but in hindsight it is a rather 'permanent' solution to discover that you don't like being called a 'numbskull' - literally! And so they have spoken about the less permanent option of occipital nerve block injections to SEE how I react FIRST before any permanent decisions are made!

The downside of some of the treatment thus far has been far outweighed by the benefits - but the thrice daily doses of IV drugs and steroids have become nauseating to say the least - and I am pleased to say that nothing I eat for breakfast; lunch or supper gets a chance to weld itself to the walls of my gut either! All in all I think I may just come out looking like a Greek God - instead of a goddamn Greek (no offence to any Greeks out there!!)

Anyhoo - I must get back to my busy schedule of hurl; bekak and sleep - so Chin up ol' boy - there's life in this old bastard yet! You can't stomp on good ol' Scottish stock!! As I always say - "Don't bang on the kennel till you've seen the size of the Bitch Fight inside..."

me

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Hi Ho It's off to Hospital I go...AGAIN!

Hi guys!

Yip I have been HORRIFIC on keeping the updates on the blog going - but if the truth be told, I have been truly blindsided by the recovery time that I have had to go through over the past few months from the stomach op.  Since my op, I have battled CONSTANT pain and NIGHTMARE migraines, as I cannot take too many pain killers, for fear of stuffing up my already delicate stomach - and been almost constantly nauseous.  I also knew that I had to try and get my strength up for my next stint in hospital which has been looming ever closer.

Needless to say - that's not an excuse - so please let me just say: Sorry.

2008 was not a year I will look back on fondly.  In the words of Queen Betts: "It was my Anus Horribalus" - my horrible bum...

But the last few months of 2008 did fortunately shape up to be better in the end.  We had a DREAM Christmas that was filled with what EVERY Christmas should be - Family; Food and LOOT!  And boy oh boy did we score BEEG this year!

Spoiling aside - Robs and I sneaked off, at the end of last year for a belated second honeymoon and a fabulous end to the year, while my mum got to spend valuable Nanna and Shaugie time with her beloved third grandchild.  

The other good news is that I'm off to Hospital tomorrow Morning (Monday the 19th of January 2009) for a minimum of two weeks.  YIP I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE - but it was decided in December, when I saw my FABULOUS new Neurosurgeon, that I was to be admitted for a minimum of 14 days, so that they could assess the tumour, and decide what course of treatment they were going to take with regards to removing/ reducing the size of said wee beastie.

The bad news (for me) is, that I will NOT be receiving ANY pain relief while in hospital.  This was made patently clear, as they need me to be in as much pain as possible.  Now I hear a whole heap of you saying: "What kinda crackpot health system would do THAT to someone in pain to try and help them."  The truth is, I cannot have pain relief, as they are planning on definitely performing Occipital Nerve Block injections and very possibly severing the occipital nerves at the base of my skull entirely, in an effort to try and kwell the pain PERMANENTLY in the event that they cannot operate on the wee beastie and or reduce or it.  So long term benefit for short term pain!

There are a whole HEAP of Ifs, Buts and Maybes hanging on the line - but the Neurosurgeon has said that he will try EVERY avenue that he can medically, to offer me a solution - no promises - but at this stage ANY hope is being grasped at with BOTH hands.

While in hospital I will also be receiving an IV infusion of DHE or dehydroergotomine.  That is supposed to stave off any severe migraines that may happen - but it will not offer me relief from the day to day pain that I feel.

So that means that I will, more likely than not - be incommunicado for the next wee while - but I promise to let you all know how it has gone once I am out.

So I'll see y'all soon and be good while I'm not here!

Lotsa Love

Me

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