WHOAH THERE COW-PEOPLE!!! I'm NOT dead yet!

OAKEY COCKEY... So I'm getting a lot of rather worried emails from peeps who, very touchingly, are concerned for my well being. I certainly never meant to scare ANYONE with the chronicles of my life in blog-land! If I'd known this at the start - I wouldn't have even written about this wretched little nothing of a brain tumour - called 'Bill'...

I started writing about 'Bill more as a therapy for myself and to help ME understand what is going on... and also to keep concerned family and friends who were far away informed as to WHAT was happening! So before this blows COMPLETELY outta the water - I just want to set some minds at rest - before ya'll write me off!

The years of headaches and migraines I have endured, have more than likely been caused by 'Bill' - but one can't be too sure. Just to reassure you, the week that I have spent in Hospital has been PACKED with Intra Venus Infusions of 'Bill' busting meds - the steroids and DHE are designed to specifically reduce the size/swelling of 'Bill'. The nausea and diarrhea was a bit difficult to get used to as well as the cramps and bloating - but hey - we just kyk noord...

I also take heart that the Neuro (WHAT AN AMAZING GUY!!! - TOTALLY SENT BY GOD!!!) is fully calm and collected about the whole palaver. He's 'been there - done that' and has the t-shirt and the stretch marks to prove it!

I am scheduled for a follow up in about 4 weeks - and they will reassess whether or not the current treatment has been successful and what way forward we go from here.

It really touches me that there are people standing and agreeing in prayer with us that everything is going to come right in JESUS NAME!!! You and I both know there is no distance in prayer - and that is the most important thing!

I have learnt some very valuable lessons in the past couple of months: and the words of another very brave young lady called 'Heather' - whose Blog I was introduced to, pretty much sums up best EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.

So I'm gonna take what she said and expand a little on it - I hope you don't mind Heather!

What have I learned?

It isn’t about 'Bill'. It isn’t about what 'Bill' has the ability to do to MY body, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of us it tries to take away; its about the journey.

Its about rediscovering the parts of yourself that you never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. Its about seeing life through other people's eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it.

Its about living.

Sure there are going to be days that I feel like a Pantechnicon truck just bulldozed over me. There are going to be days when I wake up after a rough night and a bad bought of 'pain' and I think “Who is that person, and where did he come from!?” But there are going to be pain free days where I'm fully alive and energized too! And those are the days I'm gonna seize with both hands and live to the full, its part of 'the journey'. Its a part of life. But its not the only part. Its not the defining part.

The defining part is: I am still a husband. I am still a father. I am still a son. I am still a son of the Most High King of Kings. I am still the same Ryan that I was before I found out about 'Bill'.

Just a little more - NO - alot more mature and a heck of alot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams, the same desires. I am still me. The migraine headaches and 'Bill' can NEVER take that away.

It has only made me stronger.

Me

-x-